A lot of fuss and many accolades are made in the dating literature and on the dating websites about the benefits of dating a woman from Russia or Eastern Europe. These articles point out that you can often find a woman with high education, very attractive looks, a motivation towards a serious relationship, and the desire for monogamy.
There is, however, a flip side to this story. When considering dating or having a relationship with a woman from Eastern Europe or Russia you would be wise to think about the answers to the following questions:
1. What are some of the difficulties that you will encounter because of the visa situation and visitation rules?
2. If she had a career in her homeland, will she be able to continue that career when she is with you in the west?
3. What is the significance of the second question with regards to your eventual joint retirement income and Social Security benefits?
This article will probably not seem relevant to you if you're in your 20's. If, however, you are in your 40's, it will be highly relevant.
As question number one includes a lot of information, this article will focus only on this topic with the other topics presented in later articles. If you have already found a nice woman from Eastern Europe or Russia,You may find that the normal relationship building phase that you have with a Western woman, will be not available or practical to you. Why is this the case? The reason for this is that most women from Russia or Eastern Europe will not be free to travel to visit you! For those of you that live in the US, this problem will be a foreign concept for you, so you may miss it. In general, the US has resisted national identity cards. I remember some years ago a lively debate during the Ford administration about the establishment of national identity cards. Since that time, the country has moved out of this debate and many states use a drivers license as an identity card, but at the time, it was not considered normal for American's to be so restricted. For those of us that travel all the time, we are used to just getting on a plane and flying almost anywhere; flash your passport and you are on your way.
But, for many outside the US and Western Europe, it is not so simple.
To make this easier, let's break this topic down into two separate issues; you visiting her, and she visiting you.
If you travel to Western Europe, you will normally find that a visa attained prior to your trip is not required. Your passport is just stamped at the destination airport. Depending on the country, this "entry visa" is often good for 90 days.
Traveling to Eastern Europe is a little more complicated but similar. Many of the former Soviet Satellite states such as the Ukraine, Estonia, and Latvia will also allow you to enter by just showing your passport upon arrival at the airport. The length of time that you can stay on this tourist visa varies by country.
If, however, your friend lives in Russia, or Belarus, the differences could not be more different and annoying.The process to visit these countries is archaic. So archaic that you will think you stepped back in time 50 years. In general, here is the process. First you must decide where you want to go. Let's say your friend lives in St. Petersburg. You decide you want to visit St. Petersburg and now you must make a hotel reservation. You find and reserve a nice hotel in the city. At this point, however, you need an "invitation." The hotel or another travel agency can get you a special "letter of invitation" with the dates of your travel and itinerary spelled out.
You think that you are done? Not so fast, you are not even close!
Next you must get your flight arrangements. The airlines may not give you your ticket until you have the invitation.
Next, and the worst step, you have to mail or visit the Russian consulate and give them your passport with copies of everything you have as well as a passport photo. In about 3 weeks they will send all you documents back. At least you hope so. Now you are ready for your trip!
For someone that travels all the time and needs their passport, this situation makes it difficult to schedule a trip! For example, I travel quite a bit for my employment. I do want to visit Russia again but I am fearful that after sending my passport to the Russian Consulate, that next morning my boss will say, "Hey Bill, we need you to go to Italy for a few weeks, can you leave tomorrow?", "oops." This is a great impediment for me.
Let's return to the simpler option.
You have a friend in Kiev which is one of the easier countries to enter. You fly in, go to a hotel, and all is normal. The weekend goes well and you ask your friend "Svetlana", "why don't you come visit me next month?" After an awkward pause and a furtive smile, you discover that she can't visit you next month, perhaps not even next year! In order for Svetlana to visit you, she will be required to get an exit visa from her country as well as an entry visa to the US. It gets very technical but in general the American Consulate in Kiev will not issue tourist visas for reproductive age woman to visit the US! Of course, you can marry her after a few visits, get a K-3 visa, apply for a K-1 visa and take your chances.
The point of all of this is that this encompassing and unfortunate bureaucracy will make it very difficult for you to have a normally developing relationship. Generally, a normal relationship is one in which you have many casual dates, in a relaxed setting, and over a long period of time.
The eastern European or Russian alternative will cost you a fortune and require that you invest a significant amount of money and time before you even begin to get to know her.
"It's alright to think twice."
"For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost..." Luke 14:28
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copyright © 2010, William Marzullo
William G. Marzullo, MD, freelance writer and e-book author is published in both the medical and relationship literature areas. A family practice physician with broad international experience in medicine and holding advanced degrees in medicine, engineering and music, he brings a unique multidisciplinary perspective to the writing client. Author of the e-book, "Get That Girlfriend" and the accompanying website http://www.get-that-girlfriend.com. This website focuses on honest, respectful, and goal oriented dating experiences as well as exploring psychological aspects of the dating participant.
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